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Cummming She Males


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Cummming She Males


WHITE-CUMMINGS: And also, if I can jump in here for a second, I think that well, there's a couple things. One is when we talk about giving strategies and seeing, you know, actionable, tangible ways in which young people can assert themselves into interactions, which is really what they're doing, which, let's be honest, as adults, that can even get a little daunting sometimes. But first of all, we you know, we have to be honest with ourselves and say, has my child ever seen me do this Have they ever heard me stand up for something in this way Have they ever seen me in a context where, you know, something was going wrong Somebody was saying something they shouldn't. And I said something. If the answer to that question is no, then I'm not going to say you shouldn't still try to give them a strategy. But we all have to be honest with ourselves and say, from what point am I coming into this conversation or into this socialization with my child Because we all know that this is more than one conversation. It's more than a talk. It's a process. And so where am I coming into this process from So that's the first thing I wanted to say. The second thing is this whole idea of why is it bad or what about these words and jokes and, you know, things of that nature -- words especially create an atmosphere. They create an environment in which we live. That's why media and even songs like kids understand the power of music. Kids understand words. You know, if you've ever listened to a kid, like, really get into a song and when they say those words, man, they're feeling that. They're living that. And so, you know, words and things like that create environments that when you're at school and you have an environment that's hostile to or aggressive or unfair towards towards groups of people based on race, ability, gender, whatever, it creates an atmosphere that is not conducive to what you're there for, which is to learn. It takes out of learning time. It takes out of being friends, you know, and having a good social atmosphere. All of those kinds of things. And it's really important that we understand how deep this whole thing goes. You know, when we talk about Black boys, for example, Black boys are like, you know, public enemy number one. It seems and feels I have two African-American sons and, you know, I've had experiences. Let's just put it at that. But. When we talk about things, for example, like school discipline. So, this goes back to story. So there's a story that's told that Black males are aggressive, scary, dangerous, hostile, violent, sexually aggressive and inappropriate. So that's a story that has been told for a really long time, ever since, you know, enslavement. So now you bring it forward and you see things like, OK. There's a study that showed that Black boys as young as 10 years old, are seen as several years older, less innocent, more aggressive, more dangerous than they are. Those are the perceptions that go along with them. So when you see that and you know that as a fact it begins to make sense why they're getting suspended and expelled and having the police called on them at school! Arrested at school!


WHITE-CUMMINGS: Exactly. And I have to say that, though well intentioned, the approach of colorblindness that many parents, you know, took up early on in racial equity and racial justice work, and I stress well intentioned because I think that's important. But the outcome was not very helpful. Color blindness and not seeing color is not is not the way to go. And when I think about this question and he says he wants to suggest the difference, you can't really suggest the difference. The difference is the difference. It matters what we make of the difference and how we respond to the difference. And that's, I think, a point that we really have to stress. It's not the difference that is the problem. It's the response to the difference. The difference is actually a good and powerful thing. It's very educational for us. It teaches us different things. It teaches us how to be compassionate because people are different. But saying that because someone is different, let's say with race: because they're not white, that's bad. That's where the problem comes in. The fact that they're bad, not the fact that they're not white. So we have to help children make these types of distinctions. And even when they're young and they know the difference between a square and a circle, there's a difference. But it doesn't necessarily mean that a square is better than a circle. There are different. We can take those concepts and just begin to, as they get older, we still say with that same idea, different does not mean better or worse. Race and color in and of themselves, that difference is neutral. It means nothing. But it's the meaning and value that we've assigned to it. So when you're dealing with your kids and you say, hey, you know what We don't want our kids to be so aware of the difference of skin. I say help them be aware of the difference, but help them not respond how we've all been conditioned to respond, how whites have been conditioned to respond. Instead of saying, hey, I don't see color, everybody's the same, you know what, we are different. There are people that have many, many, many different shades of skin, very deep brown, you know, skin. It has light brown tones or beige type tones or just, you know, a white tone. It's the difference. But then we make sure that we follow that up -- and I love when Dr. Harvey uses the word contextualized, that's like one of my favorites, because it makes all the difference in the world. We say do them, yes, that's different. But guess what It doesn't mean that it's bad and it's not bad and it's just different. So just like, you know, white boys, now, this is let's carry this forward because this is how it's important. As they get older, white boys, you know, do stupid things when they're teenagers. They get drunk when they're not even supposed to be drinking. They do mailbox runs. No, I live in a suburb that was like one of the favorites. It gets run down. We never got it, especially as girls, no matter what color. But this is a big thing that boys did, you know, run it down and do mailbox runs. They egg people's houses. They break into cars. They take joy rides. They drive when they're not licensed. They do things with women that they're not supposed to. OK. So these are things that, you know, males get into some time. Now you let a Black boy do, let's just say any of those things, in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person. It's going to be a problem, not because they're a boy. Oh, gosh. You know, boys. I don't know. They do weird things. So let's just try to give our kids, you know, some other things to do. Give them activities. It's like, no, see, they're dangerous. That's that's why they're doing that. And you take that different -- Black boy, white boy -- and you assign a meaning to it and you assign a value to it. And you say, you know what Black boys are doing this not because they're boys. They're doing it because they're dangerous from jump. They're only acting out of who they are. They grow up like this. Their neighborhood is a war zone. So, of course, you know, they're gonna go in the good neighborhoods and patch up property and, you know, property that people have worked hard for. It just goes on and on and on.


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