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Ruined Orgasm


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Ruined Orgasm


"A ruined orgasm is typically a type of control play found in the BDSM community whereby the dominant person gets the submissive person highly aroused and then leaves them hanging to experience a very low-quality, low- to no-sensation type of orgasm, if any at all," explains AASECT-certified sex therapist Jenni Skyler, Ph.D., LMFT, CST.


Does a ruined orgasm hurt or feel good for the person having it? Does it even feel like anything at all? Well, it can make the recipient feel...a few different things. Physically, it's kinda like blue balls.


"It can feel like a very subtle orgasm without the release, intensity, or climatic feeling typically experienced by orgasm," says Skyler. Melancon adds that "sometimes ruined orgasms can feel a bit painful or uncomfortable to feel the contractions of an orgasm without the pleasure."


Emotionally, it can feel very frustrating, disappointing, and unsatisfying. "If the stimulation continues to a point where ejaculation is inevitable, his partner can still distract or humiliate him to ruin the sensation of orgasm," says Melancon. "In addition, the feeling of humiliation may accompany the experience regardless, especially if the 'ruined' partner twitches, spasms, moans, and groans at the sensation. It can feel embarrassing, as if they have no control over their own body."


"Some men have a fetish for this and want their partner to ruin their orgasm," says Melancon. "These guys often enjoy the tease-and-denial aspect and/or want to be 'forced' to do something to 'earn' a good orgasm."


"While edging is very pleasurable and results in a longer window of arousal followed typically by an intense orgasm. A ruined orgasm is like the arousal petering out without climax after getting highly aroused," Skyler explains.


For one, it's a fetish (predominantly among men). But while it's more common for men to desire a ruined orgasm, Melancon says some women find it fun. "It really turns the dominant heterosexual script on its head, where his orgasm is no longer the most important or defining moment of sex."


For the dominant, the appeal in a ruined orgasm is likely the satisfaction that comes from control. Controlling a submissive can be fun and rewarding, especially because there are so many ways to do it.


Often, circumstances can ruin an orgasm. Think about the times that your pet jumped on the bed while you were having sex, or maybe someone walked in on you during solo play. Kinda ruins things, right?


However, if someone ruins your orgasm as a method of power play that you did not consent to, you may want to have a conversation about it. BDSM is all about negotiation, and orgasm control can be emotionally jarring for some folks.


This Reddit thread about what a ruined orgasm feels like documents the experience for many. A fan favorite is the comment that likens a ruined orgasm to waiting forever for a pizza delivery, then promptly dropping the pizza all over the floor.


Ruined orgasms are orgasms that are purposely halted as part of tease and denial play. In a ruined orgasm, the person typically still has an orgasm - but stimulation is ceased right at the point of no return, so the orgasm feels extremely lackluster. They may also be prevented from orgasming at all. This type of play is typically a part of BDSM scenes where the submissive is denied the orgasm as a form of power play. This differs from edging where the goal is to reduce stimulation multiple times in an effort to produce a more powerful orgasm.


Ruined orgasms can be a fetish for those who fall on either side of the sexual control coin. Dominants might enjoy controlling when, whether, and how a submissive gets to orgasm, while submissives tend to enjoy ceding that control to their dominant. Most depictions of ruined orgasms in pornography are in female domination/male submission situations - femdom - but any relationship configuration can enjoy this play.


Ruined orgasm is a common theme in pornography. Typically, this type of p




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