Pruning for Growth: Boundary Lessons from Nature

My great aunt had a green thumb. Her house was filled with an array of plants, Venus Fly Trap, Chicken and Hen, Aloe Vera, Philodendron, and Mother-In-Law Tongue. Her home felt peaceful and smelled fresh, like a mini greenhouse.

My first attempt at growing plants was dreadful. I overwatered some and underwatered others. When I shared these awful deaths with my great aunt, she laughed and gave me a piece of her Philodendron. She instructed me to put it in a glass of water and, when roots sprouted, transfer it to soil.

To my surprise, all went well. I was proud of myself! But my plant wasn’t as big and full as hers. It was long—so long that I wrapped it around the planter to keep it off the floor. Of course, I went back for further instructions.

My aunt, in her matter-of-fact way, never looked up and said, “You need to pinch it off at the joint. "Pinch it off?” I asked. "Yes,” she replied. “They’ll never grow full unless you periodically pinch off at the joint.”

I wondered how breaking off leaves would help. But who was I to second-guess her expertise? So, I broke some of the length off at the joint, and within weeks, new leaves began to sprout. It was amazing.

Her lesson wasn’t just about plants—it was about life. Growth requires cycles of pruning. Jesus taught this principle: “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” (John 15 NIV)

Pruning is selective removal. It improves structure and health. Sometimes it means removing dead or diseased parts to prevent spread; other times, it’s about creating space for light and air. All to encourage growth.

What better instructions for life?

Boundaries: The Human Version of Pruning

Just like plants, our relationships need healthy boundaries to thrive. Boundaries are limits we set to protect our emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. They define where we end and others begin. Without them, we risk overextending ourselves, becoming resentful, or allowing unhealthy dynamics to choke out our growth.

Think of boundaries as the “pinching off” process in relationships. It’s not about cutting people out harshly—it’s about creating space for mutual respect and healthy interaction. Here’s what psychoeducation tells us about boundaries:

• Boundaries are not walls. They don’t shut people out; they create clarity and safety.

• Healthy boundaries promote growth. When we say “no” to what drains us, we say “yes” to what nourishes us.

• Signs you need pruning: You feel exhausted, resentful, or stuck in cycles of guilt or obligation.

• Types of boundaries:

  • Physical: Space and touch.

  • Emotional: Protecting your feelings and energy.

  • Time: Guarding your schedule.

  • Relational: Defining roles and expectations.

When we fail to set boundaries, we allow fear, guilt, or codependency to dictate our choices. Just as a plant becomes leggy and weak without pruning, we become depleted and stagnant without boundaries.

Practical Steps for Boundary Setting

1. Assess your circle. Who energizes you? Who drains you?

2. Clarify your needs. What do you need more of—peace, time, respect?

3. Communicate clearly. Boundaries are most effective when expressed calmly and consistently.

4. Start small. You don’t have to overhaul every relationship overnight. Begin with one area.

5. Seek support. A licensed clinician can help you navigate complex emotions tied to pruning relationships.

When I broke the joint of that plant, I knew it was for the greater good. It had given me all it could in its current state. Likewise, pruning relationships or setting boundaries isn’t cruel, it’s necessary for growth.

Everyone plays a role in our journey, but if we feel stagnant, it may be time to prune and restructure. Healthy boundaries are the soil where resilience and productivity flourish.