I was watching the first episode of the fifth season of This Is Us as Randle explained to his sister Kate that he spent his entire life censoring what he said because he worried about making her and other family members feel uncomfortable. Then he asked that insightful question, “If I keep doing that for you, where does that leave me?”
Those scripted words echoed the sentiments of my heart. I was unable or incapable of seeing or saying them, but The Universe used his words, Randle’s words to start the healing of my own enabling soul.
Several weeks ago, I authored the blog entitled Secrets Make You Sick. In it were details of how our cultural standards and societal rules have robbed us of our voice. This week, I am asking you to consider how many times at the expense of your personal thoughts, opinions, and feelings have you censored yourself. In many ways this is yet another secret that is making us sick. I say it’s a secret because those close to us don’t really know our authentic feelings or opinions on matter we’ve discussed with them because we censor our conversations as we consider their thoughts and feelings , placing them above our own. The very act leaves us unfulfilled, frustrated, and fearful.
So many women like myself are working feverishly to have it all while living out the Superwoman model that has systematically caused us to neglect our first love, ourselves. How is it possible that we attempt to give away something we don’t have for ourselves, love? We continue to go through our days practicing unhealthy acts as we take care of the multiple needs of others, pleasing this group and agreeing with the next while simultaneously neglecting our personal goals, desires, and dreams. This way of living or existing, will eventually cause a myriad of disappointments. Our relationships stop fulfilling us. The men or significant others in our lives appear aloft. Our loved ones don’t seem to perform as we expect them to. No one is taking care of us like we are taking care of them. It will cause feelings of being used, abused, overlooked, undervalued, and unappreciated.
It’s time for us to take that walk or ride alone, spending time with ourselves and celebrating who we are, what we bring to the table, with those that celebrate us. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap that celebrating you means spending money on things that only refashion the exterior. It’s time we spend a great portion of the time and effort we spend on others, on ourselves. If money is burning a hole in your pocket, invest it into your savings or retirement fund or maybe even invest in therapy. But, make the move to release yourself from censorship and make the commitment to start living your best life today and that includes, first and foremost, Loving yourself.