The Upside of Anger

Anger is a powerful, complex, secondary emotion that I like to describe as part of our default system. It’s often easier to be angry than to feel fear, shame, or vulnerability. Anger feels empowering, and as misleading as it sounds, it works like a fuel that offers us a temporary surge of confidence.

Anger is a tangled web of emotions that serves as a "cover-up" for the primary emotions boiling underneath. It can act as a defense against primary emotions, which may include feeling weak, vulnerable, exposed, guilty, or “not-good-enough.”

Anger fights for our self-worth and diminished self-esteem. If someone hurls an insult at us, anger says, "No way, I don't have to take that. I will not be embarrassed, hurt, or feel belittled—or at least I won’t show it."

Despite all this, anger is not a "bad" emotion. In fact, no emotion is "bad." Emotions are indicators pointing inward to the activity of our hearts and minds. However, when we fight our emotions, suppress them, or remain unaware of how they affect our thoughts and behavior, they become enemies, luring us into less-than-favorable decisions.

Let's consider the expression of anger. How we express ourselves when we're angry plays an important role in our overall health. While some of us are explosive—throwing things, cursing, screaming, pacing—others sit and brood, quietly pushing down the rage, not understanding that what doesn't explode, implodes. Anger that has been pushed down, avoided, and suppressed wreaks havoc on our physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. The stress of suppressing or ignoring emotions slowly erodes the body and mind. This is not an invitation to vent anger in harmful ways but to find healthy methods of release. For those of us who are more expressive, taking a walk, going for a run, boxing, paintball, and many physical activities allow us to redirect emotions and bring our bodies and minds back to a place of calm. Maybe you need to scream into a pillow or out loud. Writing in a journal or on a scrap sheet of paper, dancing, pacing, or recording how you feel into the recorder on your phone are all excellent ways to avoid or redirect the implosion and explosion of anger.

The Bible shares wisdom on this matter in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger…” (ESV). Our emotions are a gift. There's no sin in being angry, but don't allow anger to rule your day, spoil your attitude, alienate you from loved ones, drive you to make hasty decisions, or cause you to keep on that mask. Learn to reconnect with your emotions. You deserve to live a full life as the authentic person you were created to be, and that involves freely expressing your emotions in a healthy manner. This will offer a fresh perspective on living. Don't be afraid or unsure about anger or any of the multitude of emotions that are there to help guide us. You'll be glad you did.